adoption, family

Am I Losing My Mind/Son? Part 1

He’s been moody for weeks. He snaps at us and sulks around in his room. We know he’s been smoking pot. He disappears with the car or with friends to the “store” for long periods of time. His mood changes. He has been back in contact with Toxic Girlfriend and this never bodes well.

Marcus refuses to pay for his own gas when he drives my car to work. Directly after that he is mystified when the car is no longer available to him. It seems like he has given up all ambition to go to school, go to job corps, or get his electricians’ license. Marcus, at 20, has taken on the emotional state of an angst-ridden 16-year-old.

It isn’t out of the ordinary for children who have experienced trauma to be functioning on a much younger level, emotionally. It’s fairly common for children who have been in the foster system to have difficulty trusting in healthy relationships. It is, however, dangerous because Marcus now has the options of an adult. This part becomes tricky.

It started with a girl. The exact same girl who starred in the previous Marcus meltdown. He’s been into at least two girls between then but now we are back to Toxic Girlfriend and being-without-her-is-like-death. He alternates between yelling on the phone and crying into the phone.  Marcus cried continuously all Friday and then left “for the weekend” to “visit his bio-sister” in another city. This is code for being with Toxic Girlfriend.

So he leaves, after taking out $100 from his bank account. Luke reviewed a budget with him to include gas money to get himself to and from work. Despite being scheduled for several shifts, and an upcoming therapy session, he leaves. Marcus swears he will be home on Sunday. He swears he has a ride. He swears he understands what Luke went over with him about his budget.

It’s just that we “wouldn’t understand him” because “no one understands” him. He has to get away.

Sunday goes by. Monday goes by. More work shifts are missed. All we get are a few vague texts. They range from, “I’ll be home tonight,” to “I’ll talk to you guys in 5 minutes.”

On Monday a staff member is arrested for threatening to shoot up Carl’s school. This causes Luke and I to focus in on Carl and support him. Tuesday we decide to keep Carl home and give him Marcus’ therapy slot with their trauma therapist. We are pretty sure Marcus won’t make it back in time, anyway. It’s a good call because apart from a text from Marcus commenting on the school situation saying, “That’s so F-ed up!” we don’t hear from him.

**Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

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5 thoughts on “Am I Losing My Mind/Son? Part 1

  1. Pingback: Wherein I Get Stuck on a Log | Herding Chickens and Other Adventures in Foster and Adoptive Care

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