adoption, family

The Prodigal Son is Homeless

He’s been sleeping in his car, apparently in a cemetery. Marcus is in another state, in a slum, sleeping on the street in his car. I cannot understand this choice for the life of me. Why does Marcus prefer living in his car to learning or skill to help him get gainful employment? He honestly can’t visualize his future at all.

He’ll say/shout, “I told you what I want for my future. I want MY CAR! I need to work on MY CAR! That’s what I need for my ‘future.’ I don’t have a future if I don’t have MY CAR!!!”

It baffles me and I feel as if we are always speaking a different language. Either way, we aren’t supporting him financially so that he can buy more pot and “soup up” the rusting Honda Civic from the 90s that has become his whole life.

I made a throwaway comment the day that he left. I sent him a text message (because he refused to talk to me) trying to convince him to go to his interview with Job Corps. I was so mad that he blew it off to work on his car. I said, “Unless you want to LIVE in your car…blah blah blah.” I didn’t mean that Marcus should literally live in his car. He did it anyway.

Marcus took off. I only saw him once since then. One Friday morning I found him asleep with some guy, in his car. He’d spent the night in his car, in our driveway. His bed was right there and he chose to sleep in the car. Marcus was wrapped up like a burrito in the fuzzy purple blanket I bought for him when he was a teenager. He didn’t really pack anything from his room but he took that blanket with him when he left.

Now, he calls because his car has been towed in the city where he’s been staying. He didn’t switch his license plates over from his first junker to his second. This means he was (recklessly) driving  an unregistered car when he got pulled over.

So, now he is sleeping…?

Marcus called begging for us to pay for the car to be towed to his biological dad’s house. His BD is a mechanic and tries to help Marcus on occasion. Marcus had no plan to go to his court date for this infraction, or register his car, or deal with his overdue emissions. As usual he had no plan for the future, no matter how immediate. It wouldn’t be so bad if he’d let us help him plan these things but he refuses to plan. Instead he calls and yells awful things at us.

Despite the fact that he called swearing and cursing me out, we knew he needed help. Unfortunately we couldn’t quite understand what he needed through all of the yelling and the obscenities. He is, of course, still refusing to come home. Marcus is clinging to the  phrase, “I was kicked out!”

He still won’t agree to any certificate program or apprenticeship. He is determined to…? His only plan is about his car. He says he needs to, “Get MY CAR back!”

Luke says that Marcus is like the fox. He heard a quote by Voltaire (and I am heavily paraphrasing here) that fits our son perfectly.  Marcus is like a fox you’re trying to free from a trap that bites you:

“It’s difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.”

**Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

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18 thoughts on “The Prodigal Son is Homeless

  1. C says:

    Ugh! I am sending you good thoughts and vibes. I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. I can understand Marcus’ attachment to this car and his refusal to have adult responsibilities. I hope he is able to come around soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • His attachment to his car is unfortunately his strongest attachment. Someday I hope he learns otherwise. We did pay to have his car towed to BD’s house for this reason. In a sense, if he loses his car, he loses everything.

      Like

  2. C says:

    It’s difficult for me to explain but in my brain it makes a lot of sense. I’ve had similar attachments and I have gotten into relationships with the “wrong people” I can’t imagine what it’s like for parents who care I would imagine it’s similar to how I feel when relationships end in abandonment. Maybe don’t think of him as homeless just not at home right now. I hope that he realizes that he does have a family that is not only safe but supportive, encouraging, and rooting for him. Good luck to you all.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. MaDonna Brasseaur says:

    I so feel this right now. I have our oldest daughter doing this same kind of thing. Even telling people she is changing her name and changed her Facebook. It is so hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Beth says:

    I’m sorry – that is so hard. At least he has a home to come back to, if/when he is ready. That may seem like a small thing but it isn’t. It’s something lots of former foster kids don’t have, and it’s an important difference you have made in his life. I hope he finds his way home.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Acceptance | Herding Chickens and Other Adventures in Foster and Adoptive Care

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