These past few days have gotten warmer. Birds are chirping outside. A daffodil burst ostentatiously into bloom in the front yard. The air smells sweet and thick with the promise of new growth.
If only that chirping bird could be the soundtrack to our Spring season. I was starting to be hopeful that crickets and sparrows would comprise our Spring sounds this year. However, I was wrong.
Around here the soundtrack to Spring is the yelling of Carl. Sometimes it’s accompanied by smashing objects and broken drywall. It has begun. Last night he flew into a rage because his alarm clock needed to be reset.
Bedtime was filled with yelling about how Luke “ruined my puzzle on purpose! ” According to Carl, Luke also, “went after my remote and stomped on it on purpose.” There were some other bizarre statements about a conspiracy to steal the alarm clock manual. None of it made much sense.
Mostly Carl yelled at Luke a bunch to “shut up right now! He told me “shut your mouth!” He gave me the puffed up chest and leaned forward in the classic domestic violence/intimidation pose that pops up in Spring.
I did what any ridiculously ignorant-to-trauma parent would do and yelled right back at him.
“This is what you sound like: SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!” etc.
I also told him his statements “sounded crazy.” Good job to me for lighting that particular match.
It ended with all three of us arguing. Carl vowed never to go to bed because he would puzzle all night. Luke and I confiscated the puzzle and TV remotes in hopes that Carl would actually sleep. Carl ranted on about not “being crazy like Mary.”
This morning my throat hurts. I feel like a dope. The reason I got so mad is that I was actually starting to believe this would be a pleasant Spring. I really should know better. I should tap into my skills and address the trauma responses properly.
I just wanted to enjoy the damn birds! Oh well. For good measure (and because I wanted to continue digging my own grave) I sent Marcus a text. It said I’m disappointed in his choices but I love him. I would like to see him take responsibility for his actions. No response.
At this point the score is:
Exhausted Parents: 0
It has begun. Happy Spring, everyone!
**Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.